It is a dark night, the sky have no stars and is a lot of clouds full of rain holding inside and dancing around with the companion of a mellow wind and the aroma of rain and dirt all over the island. Mostly of the islanders are sleeping and the waves of the Atlantic Ocean are hitting the walls of the old city of San Juan at the north and the Caribbean Sea is hitting the coast of the city of Ponce at the south of the island of Puerto Rico. The rain is been gone for like an hour and the humidity of the southern city is mix with the aroma of roses, hibiscus, palm trees, and dry grass. That is how the month of August is used to feel in 1958. In the middle of city walking through the wet street of the city lighted by dark yellow light of the "farol" giving a soft light which was enough for a man holding his eight months baby and a five months pregnant woman holding the hand of their three years old daughter walking in the way to the hill where the municipal hospital was located. This is been night number three for the four of them, taking the same road, the same streets and carrying the same pain, angry, scare sensation and a lot of disappointment. The baby, Luis Antonio is been sick with hay fever and nothing is helping. The parents were not sleeping or do anything, just taking care of him and watching at him. This beautiful boy is eight months old with white pearl skin, blond wave hair, green eyes and tall and big for his age, everybody who see him since he was born described him with the same word, he looks like an "Angel". According to everyone he looked like someone from out of the world. In their way they have to raise their pace because the baby's father can feels the burning of his son skin all over his chest. The awful fever is taking all over him again, they all panic and almost run until they get to the columns of the white hospital building. They get inside of this place strictly clean with white walls and black and white shining tiles with a smell of alcohol, iodine, bleach, peroxide and a bunch of people on white.

Introduction

This is a Puerto Rican expression about how we humans know by instinct or by experience how to deal with different situations in our lives that involve feelings, chemical and physical body reactions, love, sadness, depression, life routine, goals, dreams, accomplishment, life in general.

I would like to share with all of you how this first 50 years of my life with its ups and downs made me the content human being I am now. I will share my good moments and my tragic days in this journey that we call life. I will talk about happiness versus contentment, the positives and negative of religion, blue depression, real and chemical depression,the truth about bipolar disorder, the loss of a loved one, goals and achievements and who cares if we make it or not, child molestation, rape, dealing with overweight, family dysfunction, drugs and alcohol, the propaganda of a fake world of fashion and looks, relationships, homosexuality, lesbians, sexuality in general, life after this one, fantasy, what success means to you and to me, how I get to know and accept myself better, express yourself and a lot of communication.

Sometimes I compare life to a wall, a wall that we can climb,jump, tear down, but never one that should keep us paralyzed, inert, short of breath, or static. or keep us from being part of the evolution of this society and planet". I believe that part of my life can be called: "Memoirs of an insane mind".+